The problem with love is that it is not so easily banished. You could wish that with the damage done that the feelings would just leave, but it seems that is not the not the case. I still love her more than everything and my dreams are filled with her. But I have to wait...I have to. We both need to heal and grow if we are going to be friends and maybe something more in the future. Her fear and abandonment hurt me, and my attempt hurt her and now the only thing that I can do is to give it time. Part of me really does believe that we are meant for each other and that is the hardest part. I just wished that she would have just fought through her fears, but what I did drove her to her actions as well.
In the meantime, I need to shake off all this pain and continue to live my life. I need to improve myself there is nothing to be gained if I don't change myself. Even though I don't want it right now, I know that when one door closes another one opens. It is possible that we both have a lot of growing to do before we can be together and I am not about to discard her entirely. That would accomplish nothing but invalidate the relationship that I have built. I need to not be bitter and continue to press on. I had some amazing times in the months and some really tough times too. I know that this is not the end. This is only the first chapter.
I will get through this. I will not just sit on the sidelines and let my life pass me by. I will continue to live and fight. I was a fool to almost have given up so easily. Nothing worth having in life comes easy. Even though, I know that it may not be Sae, that is all right. I love her anyways and it is important to me to see her being happy. But I need to be happy too, and, that too, is something that I am going to have to fight for.
I will not lose hope. There is always hope.
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