Starting Over

This has been quite an interesting weekend.  Part of me feels like I am finally starting to return to my old self again, but there is part of me that knows that my "old self" doesn't really exist anymore.  The truth is that from every experience that we go though, we are irrevocably changed and we can never really go back.  Sure, there is a core essence that will always be there, but it would be foolish to think that people are permanent. 

That is what life is all about,  the canvas and the color, pain and pleasure, light and darkness.  Each thing that happens is only part of the whole picture.  As much as I would love to deny the pain and escape from its reach, I know that doing so would take me from the reach of pleasure as well.  I know that for many reasons, the last few months were some of the best that I have ever had, despite much of the stress and pain that it may have caused. While I wish that it would not have ended or at least ended differently, if someone had laid it all out before me beforehand, I would have chosen it regardless of knowing the outcome.

Part of me doesn't know if I will ever be able to forgive or trust Sera ever again.  It is sad, but in reality, it really doesn't matter.  If it were to ever happen, it would be in the future and both of us would be different people then and it would be foolish to think that we would be able to pick up right where we left off.  At that time, she would have to earn my trust again anyways, so there is not much reason to think about it too much right now.

All in all, I think that I am growing and becoming much stronger from all of this.  While, I do wish that I was naive and innocent like in the past, no one can last like that in reality.  Life always happens and then we are changed by it.  But I will choose to try and fight bitterness.  I do want want to allow bad things that happen to prevent me from looking for other good things in life.  I know that things will get better.  This is not simply a blind hope that leads to disappointment but an acknowledged truth of the cycles of life.