Tomorrow, it will have been a month since Sae broke up with me. This has been the hardest month that I have had to go through in such a long time. I wish I could say that I was healing, but somehow I don't think that is the case. I think I am just getting used to the pain until it is just a dull ache.
Still, I know that this normal for something like this. Part of me knows that the things ahead are better than what I leave behind, but that still does not diminish all the feelings and memories that I have from the last few months. So many places make me think of her. Once these filled me with fondness, but now I am just sad and angry. I can only hope that more time will make this easier.
In the meantime, all I can do is work on myself and distract myself with things that would usually make me happy, and sometimes I am. And then there are days like today and yesterday, where I feel really lonely and miss her even though I know that I shouldn't. It makes me wonder if it is her that I miss or rather the feeling of loving someone and the companionship associated with that. However, when looking back at the latter part of the relationship, I know there were many times I felt unappreciated and misunderstood. Maybe part of me wanted her to be someone else and I was just settling with her because I still loved her.
When I think about it like that, it does give me hope. I should not just look for the physical satisfaction, but also someone that really does get me and I can click with, someone who can feel and love, and appreciate the artistic things in life.
Maybe this will help me get through days like these where I wonder if I can ever find someone. I should not have to compromise what I want just because I am lonely. I must never forget that.
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