The Veil

     The rain pattered softly as he walked in the darkness.  Unmindful of the damp soaking through his clothing, he pressed forward with endless thoughts barraging his already fragile mind. He had almost lost her and he knew that it was his fault and his fault alone.  Even now, she hung by a thread, just a breath from being lost to him forever

     The self-sabotage had been insidious, spreading from his subconscious fear.  Only when it was too late, did he realize what was happening.  Words were spoken and a fight ensued.  All of his fear, resentment and hurt that he had been bottling up within, seethed out, not in an explosion, but it was horrible just the same.

     He had allowed his neglect to hurt the one he loved, something that he had promised before allowing to happen.  It was not even though his actions.  He had simply given her the tool and left her to act. 

     He stopped, seeing his reflection in a large puddle, saw the pained and bleary eyes staring back at him, before bringing down his foot with deliberate force to disrupt the reflection and continuing on his way.

  It was ironic that as a man of the pen, he could not believe the reassurances that she loved him.  Perhaps he knew how easily it was to create fiction with a simple wag of the tongue or twitch of the pen.  Even though he put such high value on words, he needed the actions to back them up and that his how the pain of the past had caused the doubts to appear.

     His whole life, he had never known true love.  Yes, he had loved, but it was unrequited.  The love he thought he felt always trickled away and revealed itself to be simply delusion.  And again, he would chase after another, telling himself that this time things would be different, he would show her the world and she would love him with her whole heart.  But each time, discovered the that love story that he had been writing was entirely in his mind and there was no love to be had.  He was alone, as he ever was.

     It was this past that always weigh on him when he was with her.  He never knew if what he felt was from his mind alone or if there was love here and his hurt had simply cauterized his ability to feel it.  He wanted this to be real with everything within him, but as his love for her grew so did the pain and the doubt.  When it grew to be to much to bear he tried to seek comfort and understanding in solitude, unknowingly triggering her fear of abandonment and doing more harm than good.

  And now, both stand shaken, each facing a battle in their minds between love and fear.  The future is not certain, but then again it was never really certain to begin with.  The only way to press forward to understand the risk of pain and to decide that the promise of eventually finding love is worth it.

And it is, it really is, he thinks as his tears mix with the rain slowly falling on his face, and he smiles. He would take the pain all over again, just for the chance at true love again.