The Empath

    How do you cope when the person you are closest to doesn't even realize that you are suffering?


     "What is wrong?"  she muses

    " Nothing..."  you mutter, knowing that trying to describe the maelstrom of thought raging in your mind is futile.


   This is a lesson in how to feel alone even when you are with others.  Thoughts you would rather not have, clawing for your attention.  How you wish that you could be perfect, that you could give them what they want, that you were not so defective, but the mask remains with the grin affixed, accusing you of every lie you tell in the hope that it will all be all right.

   The worst part is the fact that the person that you are supposed to be closest to doesn't even realize the struggle that you re going through, which means one of two things...either they are not as close to you as you as you think they are or you are far better with your mask than you used to be.

   Either way, I am worried. For once, I want to be what I once ran away from, but am I too far gone to be able to be there for others.. In the efforts to cope with the pain and memories, have I lost my compassion and empathy?  Sometimes I fear that I am just waiting for things to go sour, just so that my fears will be realized and I will not have to worry about them anymore, but I have never fought against something so hard in my life so maybe it is worth it this time.

    This is what I choose to believe, even though I know that it may destroy me in the end.  After all, what is the point of protecting yourself, if it is keeping yourself from actually living.  I have always been of the mindset that I would rather burn out than fade into dust and it seems that I always choose scenarios to suit that mindset.  In the end, what matters to me is leaving a story that is worth telling,  Some people have other callings, but I would just be deluding myself if I attempted to mimic that for my own life.  Whatever happens, I want it to be interesting and a story worth telling.