There comes a point in life where you realize that while you are broken and damaged, you cannot imagine yourself any other way. Yes, there are times where I still wonder how things would have been if circumstances were different, but then I realize that I would not have been the same person. So many positive things in my life have come as a product of my pain and there are so many adventures that I would have never undertaken had I been in the warm embrace of contentment.
Rather, it was my lack of contentment that spurred me forward to new horizons. I would have never backpacked across Europe or stowed away on a train without a ticket. Maybe this is not the case for everyone, but too much contentment makes me lazy and much of the art that I have created was just part of a recovery process
That makes me think though. I wonder if I have subliminally sabotaged my contentment for the sake of my creativity, if somewhere in my brain I couldn't abide with the idea of my creativity drying up one day, even if I was happy. I guess that is part of the problem with basing so much of my identity in what I create, but there were dark times in my past where that was the only thing that was keeping me going and I will never be able to abandon that. You can take away everything else in my life as long as I am left with that and I will never truly be able to lose all hope.
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