The Path I Walk Alone.

Every day I reflect on the past and where I hope to go in the future. I cannot help but muse on what brought me to where I am today. As I grow, you would think that things would become clearer, and in some cases, they do, but at the same time, I am also presented with a whole new series of questions.

For example, I still miss people from the past that I know I really shouldn't and I have to wonder why that is the case. Is it really the person that I miss? Or rather, do I miss the feeling of knowing that I am not alone?

I am starting to think that in the past my loneliness and desire for respite has caused me to lower standards that I used to cling to, but in the end, I did not have the desired result anyways, so it was fruitless, even though it provided me with new experiences. It is not enough simply to not be alone. I also desire to be understood and to have someone that can relate with me. Otherwise, I can still feel alone with someone that I am supposed to be intimate with.

I suppose that it all came down to escape. I have used many methods to escape the torments of my inner demons in the past and I guess that having a girlfriend was just one of them. It was nice to be there for someone and to focus on someone else's problems for a change, but if I neglected my own issues in the process, the results would be disastrous.

For a time, I need to walk alone. To learn how to enjoy my own company again. I have been spoiled by constant social interaction that I cannot the sound of my own thoughts. This has to change if I am going to be making positive changes in my life. I also need to actually adhere to the standards that I have set for myself. No one knows what I want and need better than myself so I need to rely on my instincts and gut feelings more rather than what others expect me to do. If I don't stick up for myself, who will?